He Died With A Little Help From His Friends.

From Shanghaiist.com:

A man has died after an eel that was inserted into his rectum gnawed away at his bowels, causing agonising injuries which were eventually fatal.
The 59-year-old man, a chef, was reportedly taken to a Sichuan hospital complaining of abdominal pain, dehydration and a great deal of anal bleeding. He was soon diagnosed as being in a severe state of shock.
Doctors were mystified as to the cause, and obtained permission from his family to undertake an exploratory laparotomy. Cutting open his innards, they discovered a 50cm long Asian swamp eel lodged in his rectum.
Though dead, the eel had apparently already wrought havoc on his innards, biting its way through his intestines prior to dying. Internal bleeding and infection rapidly set in.
He was reported to have eaten a lot of eel the previous day, but otherwise doctors had no idea how the creature had got there. His condition quickly worsened.
He lingered for 10 days in intensive care but eventually succumbed to the injuries and sepsis.
The likely cause was eventually established - he had apparently been drinking with friends, and had passed out. His friends had decided it would be amusing to insert a live eel into his anus whilst he was comatose.
Police have reportedly begun an investigation.

Why Am I So Thirsty?

Trashy tabloid Sunday...

From the U.K.'s Daily Mail:

Hugh Grant has confessed he was drunk when he bought a painting of Elizabeth Taylor that later made him an £11million profit.

The actor was lauded as an art connoisseur when he bought the work by Andy Warhol for £2million.

And he was praised as a master of timing when he sold it six years later for £13million.

But the star has now admitted that his windfall had little to do with an eye for art.

Grant, 49, had been on a two-day drinking spree when he ordered an assistant to bid for the painting at an auction in New York.

He said: 'And to my horror, she did, and even worse, got it.'

He added: 'It all began with drink. I'd been having a drunken dinner with my father the night before, and I said, "We ought to go see my brother Jamie. You know, the Concorde's amazing."

'And he said, "I hear it is.'' So I bought him a Concorde ticket and we went. We had lunch, drank a lot of beer.

'And I was thinking about some stuff in the Sotheby's auction and I saw the Liz Taylor. I slightly regret selling it now, even though it made me rich.'

Wow. Guinness really is good for you.

Slow Ride (Take It Easy...)

A Minnesota widower drove his tricked-out La-Z-Boy into a parked car near Duluth last summer and now his family is selling the ride on eBay.

From the Duluth News Tribune:

The motorized La-Z-Boy lounge chair that Proctor police seized after its owner hit a parked vehicle is going up for auction on eBay today. But the chair was not the only item related to the incident open for bidding.

The family of the chair’s former owner will put an autographed photo of Dennis LeRoy Anderson riding the chair on eBay.

“All proceeds will go to Dennis to help him with his fees,” said Tim Jorgenson, Anderson’s son-in-law.

Jorgenson and his wife, Andrea, have no hard feelings toward the Proctor police for seizing Anderson’s motorized chair.

“I feel they did their job,” Andrea Jorgenson said outside the Proctor Police Department this morning. “He shouldn’t have been drinking and driving.”

Andrea Jorgensen wanted people to know her father is a good person.

“He has had a hard time since Mom died five years ago,” she said.

Proctor Police Chief Walter Wobig said that Anderson is a “super-nice guy.”

Anderson pleaded guilty earlier this month in St. Louis County District Court to DWI in connection with an Aug. 31, 2008, incident in Proctor.

According to the criminal complaint, Anderson drove his motorized chair into a vehicle near a Proctor bar. His blood-alcohol content was measured at 0.29 percent, more than three times the legal limit to drive. There were no injuries in the incident.

Wobig said that the department had no choice but to seize the motorized chair. “We’ve seized ATVs, snowmobiles, trailers, cars and pickup trucks,” he said. “We want to be fair and equitable to everybody. We can’t show favoritism.”

The chair, which is powered by a lawnmower engine, includes a stereo, cup holder, magazine holder and lights.

Since word of the incident spread earlier this month, the Proctor police have received calls from media outlets around the nation and as far away as Great Britain.

Wobig doesn’t know how much the item may sell for. He said one man contacted him and said he was going to start the bidding off at $500. Wobig said that state statute determines how any money from the auction will be divided, with some going to the state, the court system and the police department.

Wobig plans on using the department’s portion of the money to help equip two new squad cars.

The interest in the chair has taken Wobig by surprise.

“I’ve been in law enforcement 31 years and I’ve never seen anything like this,” he said.