News Item: Pat Riley Is On The Phone With His Tailor

The Heat is, um, on...

King James Brings His Talents To Tao.

I guess they didn't have naked chicks in bathtubs or flying waiters in Cleveland.

From NBC Sports:

A security guard comes over and puts plastic wristbands on our wrists and escorts us through the back of the restaurant, up a flight of stairs in the bowels of the hotel and through a back entrance into the club. About a dozen security guards, moving their flash lights, direct us to a roped off section on the dance floor of Tao next to a couple of apparently nude women in a bathtub full of water and rose petals.
Bottle after bottle of "Ace of Spades" champagne is delivered to the table by a waiter flying down from above the dance floor like some overgrown Peter Pan on a wire. One time he's dressed like a King, another time as Indiana Jones and another in a replica of James' No. 6 Miami Heat jersey.
James, who can hardly see the flying figure through his tinted glasses, almost gets kicked in the head on the waiter's last trip down. He looks at the girls around him and says, "I wish they'd have one of these girls with no panties do that instead of the guy."
Toward the end of the night, Boston Celtics forward Glen Davis walks past James' party and looks at the scene up and down several times like a painting in a museum, soaking in the images of the go-go dancers, the "King" sign and the costumed man delivering bottles of champagne.
Davis shakes his head and walks on.
Five security guards are stationed around him, one at each corner of the table he's about to sit at and another roving around with him, watching his every move. Anyone who takes two steps toward James is stopped and must have James' approval to come closer.
The waiter bringing him his cup of green tea with a spoonful of honey and a dash of lemon juice makes the cut, as does the scantily clad brunette with a tattoo of a heart on her right shoulder.
She wants to take a picture with him. "I can't right now," says James. "Maybe later, upstairs, I'll remember you're the one with the tattoo."
Even though ESPN immediately moved to spike the story, the HTML version soon came out. Here it is (click to enlarge), thanks to the efforts of such people as Matthew LaWell and Chris Littman, two of several who posted links on their Twitter accounts. As the blog Waiting For Next Year points out, "The Internet always wins."
Carter, LeBron's childhood friend and manager, begins dancing around James like Puff Daddy in a Notorious B.I.G video. A giant red crown-shaped cake is brought over to James while go-go dancers dressed in skimpy red and black outfits raise four lettered placards that spell out, "KING." Carter grabs a bottle of Grey Goose and pours a quarter of it on the floor and raises it up before passing it off. ESPN heavily invested in James with The Decision show, all the while insisting that there had been no blurring of the line between producing the TV spectacle and reporting the story. But now it appears that there may be a conflict of interest at play; Markazi's eyewitness account doesn't exactly show LeBron in the best light. He's a somewhat-married father of two, after all. Literally wading in Grey Goose? Waiters floating on wires? Naked chicks in bathtubs? Caligula is wondering if his invitation got lost in the mail.
Did the LeBron camp send orders to ESPN to yank the story? (Rick Chandler of NBC Sports)contacted ESPN for a response, and (has) heard only that they're "looking into it."

The entire bacchanal, er, piece is here.

LeBron's Gone.

News item: LeBron James becomes Cleveland's latest Art Modell and leaves the Cleveland Cavaliers for the Miami Heat. And a

ccording to the Cleveland Plain Dealer staff, Miami's a mess:

Say it ain't so, LeBron. Miami? Really? Miami?
We've been there, and believe us, it's no paradise, despite the palm trees.
Let's start with the weather. Yeah, it's nice in the winter. But for 10 months of the year, it's hot, it's humid, it's rainy, it's the sixth most uncomfortable city in America. Miami regularly gets socked by hurricanes, and was hit by one of the worst ever to hit the U.S. mainland. Florida is the "thunderstorm capital of the nation," and leads the nation in deaths by lightning. But it still gets cold enough, once in a while, to kill off all the oranges, tomatoes, lettuce and cucumbers.
Then there's pests of every kind and description. Alligators that eat pets. Alligators that eat children. Killer sharks. Pythons living in the Everglades -- 175,000 of them. Things called "love bugs" that copulate in flight and then smack into your car, where their body fluids actually eat away the paint. Cockroaches the size of helicopters. Enormous toads that will poison your dog. Feral ducks that poop a third of a pound a day.
Traffic congestion so bad it imperils the economy. Ecological degradation of the Everglades. Poisoned drinking water. Beaches often have tar balls on them, and they're going to have a lot more.
It's not exactly a tranquil place, either. Lots of crime. Miami's one of the most crime-infested cities in the country. What kind? Major drug trafficking. Mail-order murder. Serial killers. Serial pet killers, for Pete's sake. Crime so bad, in fact, that they put it in movies. And if all that weren't bad enough, some of the most deadly riots in American history.

Cavalier owner Dan Gilbert issued this statement, and there were no "best of lucks":

Dear Cleveland, all of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers supporters wherever you may be tonight;

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced with a several-day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his "decision" unlike anything ever "witnessed" in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is bitterly disappointing to all of us.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you.

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you.

You simply don't deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal.

You have given so much and deserve so much more.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight: "I personally guarantee that the Cleveland Cavaliers will win an NBA Championship before the self-titled former 'king' wins one."

You can take it to the bank.

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our "motivation" to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels.

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

Sorry, but that's simply not how it works.

This shocking act of disloyalty from our homegrown "chosen one" sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And "who" we would want them to grow up to become.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called "curse" on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former "King" will be taking the "curse" with him down south. And until he does "right" by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma.

Just watch.

Sleep well, Cleveland. Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day...

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue...

Dan Gilbert

Majority Owner

Cleveland Cavaliers

More from Gilbert here.

Whew!

Check out Cavs' fan reactions here.

...and Cleveland still rocks...

LeBron-A-Dance?

Parody Facebook feed from Slate.com

Wait; is "parody Facebook feed" an oxymoron???

(Anyway, I still think he's staying in Cleveland...)

Kobe Bryant: "A Demented, Three-Faced Narcissist."

Hey, I didn't say that. Rolling Stone's Matt Taibbi did. But if the (basketball) shoe fits...

Michael Jordan Is Not Jackie Robinson.

News item.

From the AP:

LeBron James wants NBA players to give up their No. 23s to honor of Michael Jordan.

The Cavaliers superstar, who has worn 23 since he was a high school sophomore, says players should pay tribute to Jordan for the Hall of Famer's long-lasting impact on the game.

He made the comments following the Cavs' win in Miami on Thursday night, and the news was first reported by The Plain Dealer of Cleveland.

James said he's willing to make the switch and he wants to start a petition to get every player in the league to give up their numbers.

The reigning MVP says he will switch to No. 6, which he wore on the U.S. Olympic team and frequently wears as a practice jersey with the Cavaliers. James said he wears No. 6 because his second-favorite player is Julius Erving.

Major league baseball retired Jackie Robinson's number 42 from use by all teams in 1997 in recognition of Robinson's historic breaking of baseball's color barrier.

I love ya, LeBron, and Jordan is one of the all-time greats, but the only real barrier that MJ broke was the one causing basketball shoes to cost a hundred bucks.

And No. 6? Dr. J was great, too, but that number will always be best remembered as belonging to arguably the winningest athlete in American team sports--Bill Russell. 11 NBA championships in 13 years, a pair of NCAA titles and an Olympic Gold medal.

But, 'Bron 'Bron, you'll surely pick up some extra scratch from all those new jerseys you'll sell. Just ask Kobe.

What Do Sinatra, Dylan And LeBron Have In Common?

Shooting for magic on the first take.