The Devil, You Say!

Ah, religion! Snake oil for the soul has many sleazy salesmen, but perhaps none as bitterly angry at this modern world as Bill Donohue. The Catholic League's apoplectic president is mad, mad, mad, and he's mad at the heathens! Donohue just knows we are going to H-E-double-toothpick!

So, all you deviant secular sickos, let's join HuffPo's Jason Linkins, who noticed that the Washington Post gave God's l'il gladiator way too many column inches as he rants at the evils along the Highway to Hell:

Did you know that "secular saboteurs" want to "tear down the economic structure of capitalism and replace it with socialism, and eventually communism?" They do, and they will do so by killing Jesus, and letting the Marquis de Sade have his way with the corpse, or something. And all of this perversion will be made into a movie, by Roman Polanski:

There was a time when Hollywood made reverential movies about Christianity. But those days are long gone. Now they just insult. And when someone finally makes a film that makes Christians proud, he is run out of town. Were it not for Mel Gibson, there would have been no "Passion of the Christ." But for every Harvey Weinstein who likes to bash Catholics, there is always someone else waiting in the wings to do the same.

Yes, it was just terrible the way Mel Gibson was "run out of town" with the assload of millions of dollars he made from his movie, Plan 9 From Nazareth, which was about Jesus and which should have allowed Mel Gibson the right to drunkenly denigrate Jews and call people "sugartits," just like the Bible says.

Anyway, Donohue is pretty sure that his side will win the culture war, ban gayness, and finally, maybe, get a Christian elected president and/or Christmas recognized as an important holiday:

The culture war is up for grabs. The good news is that religious conservatives continue to breed like rabbits, while secular saboteurs have shut down: they're too busy walking their dogs, going to bathhouses and aborting their kids. Time, it seems, is on the side of the angels.

This more or less explains why Donohue's house smells vaguely of dog shit.