JohnnyRussia's Guide To Picking Up Girls

So there I was today, and life was good. I played 9 holes of golf, which I hadn't done since four years ago or so with one of my brothers-in-law on an island in Canada. I like to cheat when I play, but I didn't do too much of that this morning.
Later on in Hermosa, a lovely little blonde seemed to be, like, into me. We talked about Ezra Pound and T.S. Eliot (although she didn't get my "Desolation Row" reference.)
She started rubbing my thigh and telling me how she thought I "got" her.
First warning sign.
She smiled and started talking about "God." She was a Notre Dame graduate, and I said, "Oh--you mean "Taliban U?"
She didn't get that reference, either.
Anyway, she was not at all impressed with my lack of, um, piety or superstition or whatever it was that seemed to make sense to her. I also think that she wasn't too thrilled by my review of the whole priest/altar boy thing.
She asked me about my religious views.
Crickets....
She looked a bit upset and said,"That's a deal-breaker."
I didn't even know we had a deal.
And then she left...
Cock-blocked by Jesus.
Thank "God."

Reality, Starring Stephen Hawking.

"What could define God [is thinking of God] as the embodiment of the laws of nature. However, this is not what most people would think of that God," Hawking told Sawyer. "They made a human-like being with whom one can have a personal relationship. When you look at the vast size of the universe and how insignificant an accidental human life is in it, that seems most impossible."

More here from ABC News.

Clinging To Guns And God.

I rarely focus on the latest celebrity death or freeway chase or missing blonde teenager. But I hate guns and reject religion, so the mixture of the two gets my attention.
Yesterday, another sexually frustrated religious nut blew people away, thinking he'd be seeing Jesus as the pistol cooled.

George Sodini couldn't get laid, so he went to a fitness center in Pennsylvania and shot twelve people, killing three women, then himself.

According to ABC News, Sodini's online diary--since removed--included this hopeless fantasy: "Maybe soon, I will see God and Jesus. At least that is what I was told. Eternal life does NOT depend on works. If it did, we will all be in hell...I was reading the Bible and The Integrity of God beginning yesterday, because soon I will see them."

Guns and God. Again.

According to the New York Times, Sodini's diary entry of December 29, 2008 read, “I actually look good...I dress good, am clean-shaven, bathe, touch of cologne — yet 30 million women rejected me — over an 18 or 25-year period. That is how I see it. Thirty million is my rough guesstimate of how many desirable single women there are...(a) man needs a woman for confidence. He gets a boost on the job, career, with other men, and everywhere else when he knows inside he has someone to spend the night with and who is also a friend.”

I guess if this twisted sadsack couldn't get a woman, his happiness was a warm gun.

It's Hard to Get Through When The Lines Are Crossed.

From Reuters: 

God is taking calls.

Dutch artist Johan van der Dong has set up a local telephone number in the Netherlands, where he urges people to leave messages for God on his answering machine.

Van der Dong said he set up the number to give people an opportunity to take pause and contemplate life.

"Like praying, leaving a voicemail message is a way to organize your thoughts," he said. "It's a perfect combination for some contemplation."

Callers dialing 06-4424-4901 (or +316-4424-4901 if calling from outside the Netherlands) from March 7 will hear.

"Hi, you are speaking to God. I'm not in right now so leave a message after the beep."

Your chance of a return call is equal to having your prayers answered.